Have you ever tried retelling a story to someone who just
did not see its humor, so you conclude the story with, “You had to be there – it
was so funny!”? Though I, the listener, might not get the
joke, I know what those belly-laughing, gasping-for-breath moments feel
like. We know humor is difficult to
recount to friends and family, but try this:
“So they told me I had one good year left with my family. I tried not to be afraid in front of my kids, tried
to be normal, but also tried to make every moment count.”
Do you understand
that feeling? I do not. Recounting
little things like an elevator conversation, sports game, or night at a bar now
seems easy. When trying to relate a story
with profound sentiment – such as seeing the light at the end of the tunnel –
it is exponentially more difficult for a listener to fathom because of its
intensity and rarity. Talking about a
cancer diagnosis is amongst the hardest topics out there.
Four women spoke with our class about their battles with
ovarian and breast cancer, three of which had relapses. Despite harsh diagnoses, despite removed body
parts, and despite dozens of chemotherapy rounds between them, M, H, J, and B
have found ways to forget about their cancer and enjoy a good belly laugh. These women taught me that living with cancer
really is that difficult to
discuss. B’s marriage unraveled, J’s
“man-of-few-words” of a husband could not say the right thing, M’s Polish
relatives kept mum about their diagnoses, and some of H’s family members still
do not want to have that conversation about genetic testing. Cancer makes people uncomfortable.
A few of these women found much comfort in support groups,
be it relatives who had gone through the same thing or unrelated sufferers and
survivors. From these relationships they
found emotional understanding that only someone who has been there, done that
could feel. As they have recounted,
there are many ‘ups’ and even more ‘downs’ in the journey from diagnosis
through recovery. Cancer patients try to
live as normally as possible but seem to have deeper insight into life’s
transience. To live with cancer is to
understand existence as others cannot.
Just something to remember while practicing.
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